Ge. 12: A great nation...thanks to a hot wife.

So after dad dies, Abram was told by God to leave his country, his people, and his father's household, and go to this land somewhere. Probably the last thing on your mind right after your old man kicks off is leaving the grieving.

"Where, God?" asks Jon-if-he-were-Abram.
"Relax, I'll show you," answers the LORD.
"Ugh, it better be sweet."
"Don't worry, Jon-if-he-were-Abram. It will be."

So God tells Abram the following:

"I will make you a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you."

That does sound like a pretty sweet deal. Sweet enough for me to move after my dad's death. Probably not the reason Abram moved. Something tells me Abram would have done it, blessing or no blessing. But this is quite a promise. I can't wait to see how God fulfills this one.

So the 75-year-old Abe takes off, brings his hot wife, and his brother Haran's son, Lot. Since Haran died, I'm guessing Abram took Lot on as a son, loaded up the mules, and the "people they had acquired in Haran." Slaves probably. Or servants. Hired Hands...I'unno. Slavery bad. So they go to Canaan. And what do you know, they get there.

So Abram goes as far into Canaan as the "great tree of Moreh at Shechem." Verse 6 was apparently written by JRR Tolkien. The significance of this tree is not known to me at this point in my reading, but probably it had some meaning to the Canaanites or...Shechemites?

Then God appears out of nowhere, (mind freak!) and says, "To your offspring, I will give this land." Out of his thanksgiving, Abram builds an altar right there to God. Later, he moved on into some hills between Bethel and Ai, and worships God. Then he moves on to Negev. This guy is making serious tracks. I wonder if he was collecting those etched glass cube things with 3D bubbles inside that look like things.

Then a famine causes him to move down to Egypt. Pharaoh's reputation must have been pretty awful when it came to old dudes with hot wives, so it goes down like this. He tells Sarai (and probably everyone with him) to act like Sarai is his sister. You'd hate to miss the memo on that one and blow it at an inopportune time.

"Hey Abram, why's your wife hanging out with Pharaoh so much?"
"My wife? Why...you know she's my sister."
"Your sister? You married your sister?"
And then Pharaoh would butt in all authoritatively, demanding to know what the meaning of this is.

Sure enough, the Egyptians run and tell Pharaoh that there's this hot chick that's new to the area, and she's with her...overly affectionate brother and a bunch of people and some kids and stuff. Whether or not Abram expected the royal treatment from Pharaoh with receiving sheep and cattle, donkeys and servants...I don't know. I don't want to be cynical about the guy, but he already is lying. (Yes, God blesses those who lie anyway). I'm not going to let my sins get me too down, because Abram was hardcore blessed in spite of his weaknesses, and lack of faith that God would pull him through this.

If God was going to make a great nation out of me, I guess I'd trust him with the life of my wife.

Because of this deception, God inflicted the Pharaoh and his household with "serious diseases." Presumably either poison ivy or AIDS. Pharaoh, though he was punk'd by some nomad wanderer, was no dummy. He knew it was probably Sarai at the root of his problems. In his anguish, he begged Abram, "Why didn't you tell me she was your wife? Go away." So Pharaoh tells Abram and his men to hit the road.

I think this little vignette at the end reminds of all the times I've needlessly worried about something that, at the time, I thought was going to be all earth-shattering, but turns out to be quite harmless, and that it is OK to trust God through those situations. When I get there, and am going through it...sure it can be tough, but it's never as bad as my sense of dread creates it to be.