Ge. 30: Rachel goes Nuts; Jacob's Genetic Experiments

After seeing how ... fertile, I guess is the only word that comes to mind, Leah is in chapter 29, Rachel seems to become a total head case in chapter 30. Some bizarre behavior by that woman.

She pulls Jacob aside and gets all dramatic..."Give me children or I shall die." Obviously there is no such thing as being terminally barren. So Jacob rolls his eyes and retorts, "Am I in God's place that I've corked your uterus?"

In desperation, as her grandmother-in-law had done, she offers her husband her maidservant, Billhah, to sort of get things kick-started for Rachel to have a family. I'm sure there was little argument from Jacob. When Billhah conceives, Rachel for some reason reads this as vindication from God, and names Jacob and Billhah's son accordingly: Dan. Oh yeah, real vindicated. Leah actually gave birth to her sons. Billhah conceives again, and gives birth to Jacob's number six, Naphtali. Rachel, further down the spiral into craziness, sees this as victory in a great struggle with her big sis.

I am reminded of a similar situation in high school, when Jenison used to win. We'd be demolishing a lesser school such as Grandville or Hudsonville, and at some point the other team would finally score. We would over power their mild celebrations with roaring chants of "SCORE-BOARD...SCORE-BOARD..." In this case, the scoreboard was Leah 4, Rachel 2. In reality, Leah 4, Billhah 2, Rachel 0. But Rachel claims "victory" with the birth of Naphtali.

Leah, as a typical older sister, fights fire with fire and offers her maidservant, Zilpah to Jacob. Zilpah gives Leah "good fortune," so number 7 is named Gad. Number 8 is Asher, because of how "happy" he made Leah. Can you imagine being named "Happy?" That's essentially what Asher went through. He had no license to be a sourpuss. Whatsoever.

In the midst of all the son-jockeying, there is a story about Reuben finding some mandrakes in a wheat field. I had to go google what mandrakes were. Not Mandrake. Mandrake. Reuben presents these mandrakes to Leah. Rachel asked her for some. Leah protests, telling Rachel she took away her husband, and now she wants to take away her son's mandrakes too? (The nerve of this woman!) Rachel's like, "Fine, Jacob can sleep with you in return for mandrakes. The first Indecent Proposal and it's all here in the Bible.

So, Leah gets back at it, and Issachar is the result. God "rewarded" Leah. Then God "Honors" Leah again with Zebulun.

Then she has a daughter named Dinah.

Finally God opens Rachel's womb, and she gives birth to a son...Joseph.

It's interesting that these women perceive God honoring them, giving them victory, etc (and naming their sons accordingly) for not doing what God had originally intended: husband and wife are married and have kids. God made a promise to one person in every generation beginning with Abraham that their ancestors would be like sand on the shore. Did Jacob not share his dream? Especially with Rachel? Instead of taking God at His word, they take matters into their own hands, whether ignoring God's promise completely, or assuming that it was their behavior that was going to bring God's promise to fruition. Its been disaster as a result every time since then.

In previous generations, Isaac and Abraham were recorded as faithful, Godly men, stopping wherever they were, building altars and worshipping God. Not so with Jacob and his wives. It's not all that surprising, as Jacob's marriages were built on deception, and prayerlessness.

Anyway, Jacob wants to head back to the land of his family, so he asks Laban to let him go, citing the work he had done for him over the years. God's promise of being a blessing wherever Abraham's people go certainly was true in this case, as Laban's flocks increased and he was brought wealth he didn't have before Jacob showed up. Laban says that God even revealed this to him.

So the two deceivers make a deal with each other. And you know it will end with both sides being very satisfied.

Jacob tells Laban the wages he will take will be all the spotted or speckled sheep and goats.

They agree, and what does Laban do? He removes all the spotted or speckled sheep and goats, and puts them in the flocks of his sons. Then he runs off, taking a three day head start, while Jacob tends the rest of the flocks.

Then Jacob pulls some genetic manipulation stunt that is still kind of outside of my grasp.

He cuts branches from poplar, almond and plane trees and cuts away some bark, leaving white stripes of the inner wood. Then he put the branches in the watering troughs, so they would be seen by the thirsty flocks. When in heat, the thirsty flocks would mare in front of the striped branches and give birth to spotted and speckled young. He placed the stronger females in front of the branches so they would have strong, spotted young. The weak ones, he made them avoid the striped branches.

Uh, I can only think that it was through God that the striped branches "caused" the sheep and goats to have spotted young to become the property of Jacob. Unless almond and poplar are some kind of animal aphrodisiac that I don't know about.

Ge. 29: Jacob Earns a Wife. And another.

After Jacob's dream and refreshment in the LORD, he continues on his way east in chapter 29. He spies a well that has some sheep around it because...I guess, sheep like water. Apparently this well was so huge, it took multiple shepherds to hoist it off. Then, as you would expect, they would water their sheep. Then, after that, the shepherds would put the cap back on. The Bible is very precise, very specific here in how this well is used, and I thought, "Duh...thanks for explaining it, Captain Obvious. I know how to work an ancient well."

But then, I took some time to think about what I had read, and the significance of this drawn out explanation of something so pedestrian may just be that the practicality of "There's a place for everything, and everything in it's place" is an important concept even here. Lets not clutter the place up.

Anyway.

Jacob meets the shepherds, and asks where they are from. "Haran." Yessss...

"Do you know Laban?"

"Yes."

Awesome.

"Is he well?"

"Yes, and here comes his daughter Rachel with the sheep."

Its kinda funny how the story changes when Jacob sees Rachel coming. The first thing he tries to do is get rid of the shepherds. "It's still afternoon, water the sheep and uh...take them back to pasture or something."

Of course this wouldn't work. The shepherds probably know what's going on. "We can't water the sheep until the stone is rolled away." Hm...

By that time, Rachel had shown up, and the shepherds had blown Jacob's chance to be alone with Rachel and work his game. So he does what any guy would do. He lifts the huge stone off the well himself and watered his uncle's sheep. Check that out Rachel!

Then, it gets kinda weird, he kisses Rachel and begins weeping out loud. It must have been overwhelming to be kissing this hot babe, and to finally know you've reached the end of your journey...or...this leg of the journey.

It was a good thing for Laban to meet Jacob, and there was a lot of joy in their meeting. Laban said that Jacob was like his son.

Jacob was there a month, and was apparently working for Laban. For free. Laban, after a month of free labor, finally asks Jacob what he thinks he should be paid. This was always a difficult question for me in job interviews. I wanted to be honest, but I didn't want to queer the deal by asking for too much. I figured I was an above average worker, so I thought I deserved an above average wage. The word says that Leah had weak (delicate in NKJV) eyes, so I don't know if she just looked like a freak, was kinda pretty, or was blind or what.

But it didn't matter, because Rachel was all hot. That was the dealmaker for Jacob. He would work seven years for her. Jacob must be the type of guy that makes the ladies swoon. Verse 20 says that the seven years were like a few days because of his love for her. What an amazing love. What would seem like forever only felt like a few days for true love. I want to be able to love my wife like that always. My 8 hours away from her at work...I want those to fly by because soon I will see my wife again after that.

After the seven years of labor, Jacob makes no..er...bones about what he expects, saying to Laban, "Times up, give me my wife, I want to have sex with her." Now, I can't imagine saying that to my father-in-law...Mr. Prickett would...be disappointed to say the very least.

So, marriage night fun...fast forward, and...Jacob wakes up and discovers Leah in bed with him.

It must have been mighty dark, or Jacob must have been mighty drunk. I wonder who was all in on the scam, and for how long? Laban and Leah for sure, but did Rachel know? And it was a taste of Jacob's own medicine to finally have one pulled over on him. I wonder if he was able to be empathetic at all to his dad or brother.

Jacob's like, "What the...why?" Laban broke the deal, citing the local custom as the reason he pulled the wifeswap. Being the shrewd dealmaker he was, he offered Rachel for another seven years. He said, "Finish the bridal week, then you get Rachel." It was an offer Jacob couldn't refuse. So then Laban gives Rachel to him, and then Jacob works another seven years. I always thought Jacob had to put 14 years of work in before he got Rachel. The word doesn't dumb it down, it says Jake loved Rach more than Leah.

God looked down on this situation, and gave Leah the gift of children, while the favored Rachel was barren. Leah gave birth to Reuben, which means "corned-beef-with-cole-slaw-on-pumpernickel." Apparently. After Reuben, Simeon. Then Levi. The fourth was Judah. Then the Bible said she stopped having children.

God showed an amazing amount of mercy on Leah. While she was part of her father's deception, she probably had little choice in the matter. Traditiooooooooooon! The older gets married off before the younger. Sounds like a great work of literature...whats it called...10 Things I Hate About You. God lavished the blessing of child-bearing on her in a way she may not have asked for, but certainly desired.

The arc of how she names her sons reveals a bit of a spiritual journey: Reuben actually means "Misery." Simeon: "Hears." Levi: "Attached." Judah: "Praise." Out of Leah's misery, God hears. Leah became more attached to God, because of the continued emotional separation from Jacob. Finally, she praises God for who He is.

Levi is kind of a heartbreaker, because in this naming, and with the third son, Leah expected that Jacob would finally become attached to her. May finally love her. With Rachel still barren, and probably going out of her mind, I'm not confident that's at all true.

With Leah's unrequested blessings in mind, why wouldn't I ask God for the things I desire? What would stop me? And I wonder what ways God has blessed me without me asking for them? I'm sure there's something....